Since
this blog is called The Writer’s Block, I’m sharing with you one of my original
short stories over these next few weeks. I will release it in several parts,
hoping you’ll be interested enough to drop by again in future weeks. Enjoy it
and thanks for visiting my blog. AN
Part 1
“He had these huge teeth,” Maxine
said, describing her new neighbor to best friend Lulu. Max (As her friends
called her), had her fingers up to her mouth to mimic the size of the man’s
teeth, of course she was exaggerating, but not by much. The two close friends
were at The Fox Theater waiting for the 7 O’clock movie to begin. Lou (A name only
Max could get away with calling her) had been out of town for two weeks,
visiting her grandmother, and Max was eager to fill her in on the excitement
she’d missed.
As Max began, Lou stuffed an
unbelievable amount of popcorn into her mouth then asked, “You mean he had
bucked teeth?” Popcorn crumbs were gathering in the creases of her T-shirt.
“No, no,” Max said. “Not bucked
teeth, just big ones. Like that really tall infomercial guy, the one with the
big unnaturally white teeth and dark hair, I think he’s a celebrity dentist.”
“You mean Tony Robbins?” Lou asked,
her face covered with movie theater butter. “He’s not a dentist, he’s a
hypnotist. He gives really hokey advice to marginally talented celebrities,
than hypnotizes them into believing they’re better than they really are.
“Well whatever he is, this neighbor
had gigantic teeth just like this Robbins guy, only the neighbor’s weren’t so
white. Anyway, he’s moving into the duplex right across from mine, carrying in
boxes, bags and dressers, like normal people, but all I can see are his
humungous teeth. These things were so big that his mouth was always slightly
opened in a way that looked like he was either going to kiss someone or belch.”
“Is there a point to your story
Max?” Lou asked, eating more popcorn as if there was an endless supply of it in
her container.
“I’m gettin’ there Lou, just be
patient.”
“When’s the movie gonna start? Seems
like we’ve been here forever.” Lou was beginning to whine, so Max handed her a
box of M&M’s to placate her.
“Look around you, were early. It’s
just you, me and the usher.” Max said, she wanted Lou’s undivided attention.
“So listen, he’s moving in all this
stuff, than I see him carrying this brown vinyl bowling bag. It wasn’t just one
shade of brown mind you; it was this ugly patchwork of browns not in vogue
since the ‘70s –if ever. But he’s carrying it into his place like it was made
of gold. Then he sees Mrs. Janus coming towards him, and he drapes this
polyester tan jacket over the bag, clutches it to his chest, as if she might
snatch that hideous thing from him, and nervously scurries into his place.
“Well that’s weird, what was in the
bag?” Lou said. Her mouth stuffed to the limit with hot buttered popcorn.
“Hold on, I will get there in due
time.” Max continued, “He moved in the day after you left, then the following
day, I’m coming home from work and I literally run into this guy as he’s speeding
out of the front gate just as I’m entering. And for the first time, I got a good
look at him, not just his teeth but the whole of him. And let me tell ya, it wasn’t
pretty. “He was sort of tallish, but a little on the chunky side, looked like
beer might be his favorite vegetable. His hair was a dreary brown and cut like
John Denver’s was in the seventies; as a matter of fact, everything about him seemed
like it was from that decade, as if he fell asleep in 1976 and woke up one
morning in the 21st century.”
“Hair like John Denver huh?” Lou
laughed at the thought of anyone in this day and age having the gall to wear
that kind of hair do.
“Yeah, he even wore the kind of
glasses Denver wore -only the lenses were thicker. And his bangs came down just
above his lashes, so he kept squinting the hair out of his eyes. He nearly ran
me over, then he just stood there staring at me, mouth slack open, those off
white teeth sticking out, and he looked like some deranged gopher. Then I said
‘Oh, excuse me.’ You know to be nice, and when I looked down I saw that
patchwork bag in his left hand. He noticed me staring at it, and grabbed it tighter,
and then he rushed past me without so much as how do ya do.”
“Strange.” Lou said, digging in her
purse and pulling out a box of Red Hots.
“Then,” Max said pausing for
dramatic effect. “The night after he moved in, I had ‘The Dream.’” She stared
at Lou waiting for that last statement to sink in.
After what seemed like ions, the
light went on in Lou’s eyes and she nearly jumped out of her seat as she
screamed, “No way! You mean ‘The Dream?!’” The usher, who was supposed to be
cleaning the theater was actually in the back row taking a nap, and was angered
when Lou’s yelp awoke him from his restful slumber.
“Yep, ‘The Dream.’” Max said, she
sounded relaxed but the memory of it caused an imperceptible shiver to shake
her whole body. “The dream I haven’t had since we were 11 or 12 reared its
ugly head again the day after The Teeth moved in.”
Both women fell silent as they remembered
what happened all those years ago, when the dreams first began…
End of Part 1
Alice from The Block

Great start, Alice! Reads easily: dialogue is strong, and there's a great sense of humor to the narrative. Onto Part two..
ReplyDeleteThanks Sean, wow I truly appreciate you taking the time to check it out. Glad you like it...so far :)
DeleteThanks Sean, wow I truly appreciate you taking the time to check it out. Glad you like it...so far :)
DeleteVery nice ;o) I would make only one suggestion...when you say he squinted his hair out of his eyes. Squint means we narrow our eyes...maybe you could try "he wiggled his eyebrows to get the hair out of his eyes" or something along those lines. ;o) Otherwise, very well done. ;o) Now I want to know what the dreams were about.
ReplyDeleteSuzan
Suzan, really good advice in regards to using "squint." Wiggled works great, or even blinked. Thanks for taking the time to read it.
DeleteAlice