My Argument Against Digging That Moat

Lately, the idea of digging a moat around my house and filling it with water and man eating alligators, is becoming more and more tempting with each passing day. The reason behind my isolationists feelings are simple; a good friend of nearly ten years just recently gave me a good kick in the gut, than just for good measure, stomped on my heart –metaphorically speaking of course.  

I know I have hurt others -accidentally and on purpose, we all have. But I have to admit that after having someone who’s known me for ten years accuse me of some real ugly things, I fell into a ‘people suck’ mode, and am having a hard time digging my way out of it.
 

As appealing as a moat seems right now (and believe you me, I have given this some serious thought), shutting out the world is not a solution -for me or any other person who feels beaten down by people they’ve loved and trusted. God meant for us to live in community with one another, and as far as I know, He made no exception for those times when we’ve been hurt.

I’m no good with emotional injuries, especially ones that lead to tears. I avoid the water works at all costs because I perceive it as weakness -even though husband assures me otherwise. It doesn’t help that at this time in my life I do feel weak, lost, and a bit discouraged –not just because of what happened with this friend; that was just the straw that broke the camel’s back.

Now, I don’t want to give the impression that she is some horrific monster -on the contrary, as a friend she was a shoulder to cry on and someone other than husband, who I could confide in and feel absolutely safe with anything I divulged. She has been through a few really tough years, and is hurting as she tries to piece her life together. In all honesty what she’s feeling towards me, has little to do with me and more to do with the difficulties she’s encountering. If I were a different person, I wouldn’t even take what she said personally, but it’s hard not to be wounded when someone says cruel things to you, even if it is from the pain they’re experiencing. I think the hardest realization was that she had decided the fate of our friendship long before our last conversation -and I wasn’t even aware of it.

For many years we spent quite a bit of time together, but as is the case with friendships some times, priorities change and lives just begin going in different directions. It wasn’t because of a dispute, her kids were a little older than mine and in public school, which made it hard to find time to hang out like we used to. When she was free, I was homeschooling my kids, still, we remained close, beginning right where we left off every time we did eke out time to see each other. She was someone I had assumed would be my friend until we were both old and grey (we often joked about it), but as our lives grew more separate, the space was too great as she struggled with the trials in her life, and when the dust settled I was on the other side of an invisible line she had drawn. 

Tis better to have friends that you’ve lost, than never to have had a friend at all, to put a different twist on Tennyson’s words, but I think the substitution works. Even after the hurt from its demise, I don’t regret for one moment our friendship. If I hadn’t taken a chance on it, I never would’ve spent those wonderful times with her, opened up to her and gotten to know her and her wonderful family; I wouldn’t have had those great dinners, fun weekends and intimate talks late into the night.

I’ll be fine –eventually. When I see this former friend I will still smile, but there won’t be the usual “It’s good to see you” hugs that we used to hand out freely to one another; right now, I can barely look her directly in the eyes. The fact that this has happened between two people who say they love Christ, isn’t much of a witness to those who think that Jesus is a fairy tale. Who needs this life in community if it acts just like the secular world? Christians are sinful people too, in that respect we are the same, but we’re supposed to try and look different than the world, but this –this just looks the same.

It doesn’t make me doubt God, but it does make me leery of His people. Church won’t be a respite from the world for me, for a while at least it will be awkward as we stay on opposite sides of the room -purposely avoiding each other. Our mutual friends will have to talk to us separately, so things aren’t too uncomfortable for us -or for them. Yes it hurts, but I still have hope that one day we will see each other, give each other our usual hug and sit down with a cup a joe and catch up on where we’ve been.  

So it looks like there’ll be no moat after all –at least for now!

Alice from The Block